It takes energy and coordination, but you CAN have little pieces of your life back. Never stop fighting for the nurses who will take such good care of your child, you don't even need to call in to check on them. Don't stop lowering your standards for PCA's so good you don't have to be afraid to leave them... keep working towards finding "THE RIGHT" people. It may take time, a lot of personal energy and effort, but you CAN get there. It may take months, or even years - but don't lose hope. Keep fighting.
You want to know how I know this is possible? My husband and I adopted a baby this year. I seem to get less sleep, divided time among my children, and even less time for me. But then something happened. I looked down at my feet recently and saw something I hadn't seen in years. I saw a tan line. A tan line from my flip-flop sandals. I realized, that even with a new baby in tow,somewhere in the middle of all the crazy... I have pieces of my former life back. Is it possible my daughter brought some "normalcy" back to my life? Why had I gotten so caught up in everything that I didn't even enjoy the sunshine? Why did I all but disappear from my own life? It's so easy to get caught up in all that it takes to manage your child's care that you forget to take care of yourself.
And now with a one year old in tow... I get to organize playdates and outings and even the occasional family date night - all while my son Braden is well cared for. There isn't a price tag you can put on that. There is no life manual for raising a child who is medically fragile and technology dependent. We just dive in, head first, trying to make the most of it. So often we are just putting out fires and trying to get to the next week. We lose ourselves to the busyness of "getting through" that we forget about ourselves.
But sometimes we are lucky enough to find seasons where we get little pieces of our life back, and we get to do things we did before we had this special needs human enter our life. Sometimes we get to experience what life is like for most people, largely in part to the incredible people who take care of our son.
I know it's hard mommas, but I have to take a moment to just encourage you to take even a little bit of time for "self-care". I realized that it's been over a year since I've had a pedicure. I plan on fixing that before the month is over. After all, I have newly tanned feet to show off! Take some time to smell the suntan lotion, and I will too!
Kodi L. Wilson
(And Brad, Braden and Laila)
